5 things no Gurfer wants to hear

There are just some things in life a girl never wants to hear. “You look nice” from a parent, “Have you put on weight?” or worse “Have you lost weight?” from anyone when it is clear to both of you that it’s the polar opposite situation.

As a Gurfer, we have our own list of things that we never want to hear that non-surfing girls won’t understand, words that will bring our days crashing down around us. Who knew girls were so complicated?

Here are the top five things no gurfer wants to hear:

1. “Let’s hang out at the beach”

This in girl talk means: let’s get a tan. Quite frankly, the last thing we want to do when the surf is pumping is lie on the sand and get a melanoma. It’s not that we don’t want the company or enjoy it, it’s just there’s not always good surf outside of business hours. And really we’re addicted to the ocean and want to be in it every waking second we can, so why not grab a board and join us instead?

2. The “wolf whistle”

Not only are wolf whistles patronising but sometimes they’re just damn right awkward – especially when your dad or brother is out in the line-up with you. But mostly, wolf whistles in the line-up are a good indicator that you’ve accidently flashed your boobs or you just didn’t duck dive deep enough under that last wave and lost your bottoms. So what do we do? We re-adjust our bikinis and shrug our shoulders with a cheeky grin and get on with it – all while spewing on the inside and wishing we wore a wetty.

3. “The surf was epic today”

It’s 5pm and in seconds you’re out the door of work. But just as you pull in to your drive, a southerly hits, ripping the surf to pieces. You walk in the door devastated, and at this very moment no matter where you are, there is always someone to let you know how sick the surf was earlier. You feel that statement to the core and curse your boss, your job and the world for revolving around the need for money to eat, grow your quiver and fund your dream surf trip.

4. “Bluebottles!”

For me this one is personal. For many bluebottles aren’t a biggie, and this would be replaced by “Shark!” But I can’t stand bluebottles. I’ve been out in the water with both and always end up better off when there’s no blueys, with their long winding tentacles out to get me. This probably will shift the day a giant tiger or great white erratically starts zigzagging hungrily towards me but so far my shark encounters have left me unscathed and on an adrenaline high.

5. “Don’t you think it’s a bit big for you?”

This one isn’t only something you hear, it is delivered clearly through body language. Constantly, gurfers get the “I have no desire to be your lifeguard today” look from guys you don’t even know. This all happens in the carpark before you’ve even hit the water, while these same guys are actively encouraging pre-teen boys to get ready to paddle out. The life of a gurfer – fighting for respect in the line-up when all we want to do is chill out, catch a couple of good waves and share the stoke.

Lizzie Whiting is a writer & gurfer from the South Coast of NSW, Australia and is the founder of rubywhiteroad.com - Twitter & Insta: @rubywhiteroad

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